Chapter 163: Around you
[ Back to Skarthheim - Autumn’s chamber ]
Kieran still sat like a statue, motionless at Autumn’s bedside.
Her hand was cradled in his.A little warm. Soft. And the colour was coming back.
He stared at her face with such aching intensity it was a wonder he hadn’t blinked in hours. His eyes were dry, burning...but he didn’t dare look away. As if missing even a second might cost him something he wouldn’t be able to repay.
And then there was a twitch.
His eyes widened.
Her fingers flinched.
Her whole hand jerked away.
Kieran shot upright, nearly spilling out of the chair as he lunged forward, gripping her chin delicately but urgently between his trembling fingers.
"Autumn...?" His voice cracked. "Autumn?!"
But her eyes remained closed. Her body writhed as though tangled in some invisible cords. Sweat glistened across her forehead. Her jaw clenched.
Then she thrashed all of a sudden. She moved with a violent jerk to the other side of the bed.
Kieran’s heart jumped to his throat. He climbed onto the bed, one leg folding under him as he gathered her up into his lap, supporting her back and shoulders with desperate care.
"Autumn, hey, hey...it’s okay! It’s okay... I am here," he whispered, smoothing her hair off her face. "It’s fine, you are safe, love... everything’s going to be alright..."
But Autumn’s head thrashed against his shoulder, her voice breaking through in strangled whimpers.
"No... no... babies... my babies... no...leave them!"
Kieran froze.
His hand immediately cupped her belly, protectively, instinctively. "They are okay. Autumn, the babies are okay, I promise," he whispered fiercely, almost like he was praying too... like he was scared at her sudden exclamation and wanted to reassure himself.
He pressed his forehead against hers, his voice cracking in sheer urgency. "I can feel them. They are strong...they kicked my hand,Autumn. Nothing’s wrong. I swear I will protect them. I swear it on every fucking breath I have left."
Still, she squirmed in his arms. Her limbs shook. Her forehead burned against his skin. Her face twisted in pain, in fear, in a storm only she could see.
Kieran wrapped both arms around her, pulling her tighter into his chest.
"Shhhh... sshhh, baby girl. It’s alright..." he whispered against her temple. "I have got you now. I am not letting go. I have got you forever.It’s ok.You don’t need to fight alone anymore."
But then Autumn started to whimper louder. Her body convulsed a little and then broke into sobs.
He felt it before he heard it. A shudder that rippled through her spine. The tension in her arms finally unraveled like frayed cloth.
"No... I can’t leave them...No! Who are you? Stay away!!!What do you want??Stay away from them..." she whispered between sobs...her voice pained and shattered like glass. "That baby... she is crying... she is all alone..."
Kieran’s breath hitched.
And then her hands moved...
They fisted into his shirt, clinging...digging into his chest like she needed to anchor... all while still unconscious.
His heart exploded.
It started thudding against his ribcage like it had just remembered how to feel.
Thud thud thud...louder, faster.
Every beat screamed...she’s here...she’s here...she’s here.
Her body was flushed, so warm, trembling in his lap. Her hips shifted. Her breath ghosted against his neck.
And suddenly...Fuck!!!
He felt himself hardening.
Right there. Damn! With her still sobbing in his arms.
His body was betraying him in the worst fucking possible way. His jaw clenched. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to cool it off...maybe.
But this was Autumn.
His Autumn.
In his arms.
Warm. Real. After so long...And it was too much.
Too many days of grief. Too much longing. Too many nights sleepless, thinking, dreaming, yearning for her...
And now she was there...her scent, her heat, her everything...and he didn’t know whether to cry, to laugh, or to explode.His senses were over reacting... he knew that... but it seemed like things were beyond his control.
So he held on tighter.
Almost crushing her to him. Almost fusing her into his chest. As if holding her hard enough might convince the universe not to take her away ever again.
"I have got you, my world...my baby...my universe," he kissed her forehead...whispered...voice raw with want.
Her fingers still gripped him like a lifeline, her sobs quieting just a little as her face pressed into the hollow of his throat.
Kieran rested his cheek against her damp hair, her damn forehead...and exhaled, breath shaking.
"If only you knew," he murmured into the silence, "what you and my babies mean to me...I am sorry for a lifetime and more...I am sorry for ever treating you like the scum I was...I know,I don’t deserve you...I don’t claim to be some changed man...but I know that I love you! " He scoffed into a shy smile. Like he cringed at the thought of confessing it out loud. Good thing she was still out... and not really hearing him say it. " I love you, Autumn! And I promise you I am going to be the man you deserve! "
His hands caressed slow circles into her back, his lips brushing the back of her head.
She stirred slightly against him. Her fingers curled tighter... now her nails scraped against his skin.
Kieran’s hand slid down to her belly again, feeling the faintest twitch beneath his palm.
He smiled through his eyes.
"You are all I want...my little world. You are all I ever fucking wanted.I swear! "
He didn’t know if she heard him.
But she didn’t let go.
And neither did he.
"I would give up every war I have ever won just to kiss your wrist again...Just to hear you say my name when you are angry with me." Kieran’s muscles flexed as he tried to picture what he was saying. " By the Moon... even that would be a gift." His fingers trailed down the side of her neck, careful. "I want to build a life around you, Autumn." He paused. " I want more kids with you. Four. Maybe five. Seven would be cool. What do you think? "
And then with a breath so soft it barely formed into words... "I want to grow old with you."He smiled sadly, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth, featherlight. Barely there."I want grey in our hair. I want laughter lines.I want to hold your hand when our babies are older and we are watching them run our tribe... rule our pack as we sit back and go hunting... away... somewhere so far nobody would ever be able to reach us! "