I left Su Ah to her thoughts as I made my way to my parents' room. I was tight on time, but what the hell. If there was one day I could get a little leeway, it'd have to be today.
I knocked lightly. And for a full minute, there was no response. I knocked again, making a little more noise. Still, nothing. Of course, I didn't want to simply leave like this, not knowing how long would pass until I'd see my mother again. I gently opened the door.
When I entered, I saw Eun Ha—no, my mom, sleeping. A thin, light sheet covered most of her body. The only thing I saw was her head. Her hair spread across the white pillow, and her pretty, mature features were unguarded as she slept.
The bed was empty for a single person. Dad was gone for the week, possibly two. Likely two. His frequent absences were one of the things that didn't change. In the back of my mind, it didn't strike me as odd, though perhaps I was a bit biased considering how often I'd been gone myself.
Still, I wondered what would have been the cause of their rift. I'd never imagined, before, that it could even happen. Then again, I had never been in a proper relationship either, so the formula for a healthy one was foreign to me.
My attention was on Eun Ha.
I stared at her form. Curvaceous enough that the outline stood out from the covers that hid her.
The sheets, as always, did a terrible job at concealing anything. I quietly approached her.
I gently brushed some strands of hair from Eun Ha's face. She slept through the movement, unperturbed. I sat on the side of the bed and my eyes traced the delicate arch of her brow and the gentle curve of her nose and lips, down to her graceful neck and shoulders.
The way she curled up, snoring softly. I took it in. After so long, her presence had become familiar and comforting to me.
I bent and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, inhaling the familiar scent of her shampoo and a whiff of something sweet. It must be the fragrance she used throughout the day. Something soft and flowery. Delicate, not too strong. Or maybe it had simply faded until only a lingering memory of it remained. "Mother?" I murmured softly.
A groan.
She shifted.
And, slowly, Eun Ha blinked sleep away. I watched as awareness slowly returned to her eyes.
"Ja-il...?" She asked in confusion.
I smiled down at her. "Morning. Sleep well?" I asked.
She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and pushed herself into a sitting position.
"Oh…" She blinked again, this time in pleasant surprise—and it broke me a little that I'd soon see that expression fall. "You're back, honey?"
The sheets slowly fell off her body like a bridal veil. She was wearing very little.
"Well, yes, but—"
Eun Ha hugged me, her soft lips finding my cheek and pressing against it for a moment. She kissed me with a sweet innocence. "I missed you." She held me tight.
My own arms moved of their own accord, hugging her back, my hand rubbing up and down her bare back, feeling the warmth of her body. The feel of her smooth skin. "I... missed you too." The admission left my mouth easily. Now that I had seen her again after weeks away from home, I realized how much I came to feel her absence.
A squeeze. Eun Ha sighed and broke off. She held my face lightly. "When did you come?"
"Late. And now, I'm going." I said with a hint of a resigned chuckle, and her gaze snapped onto me, wide-eyed, incredulous. She looked like a doe caught in a set of headlights. All she was wearing was a small, lacy tank top, the kind of black lace lingerie that didn't exactly conceal much, if anything at all.
I kept my eyes firmly on hers.
"Already?" She sagged a little.
"Already." I nodded. "But... not before seeing you first." I admitted. I couldn't just up and leave without saying a proper goodbye to my mother.
She pursed her lips, her hands sliding from the sides of my face down to my shoulders. Almost in resignation. "I wish you wouldn't go..." She laughed softly. "Am I a bad mother for saying that?" She gave a sad little grin.
I shook my head. "Of course not. It's my decision, anyway, not yours." I gently reminded her. "You're a good mom." She really was.
"A good mother supports her child no matter what." She countered and, on instinct, I reached and touched the hand that was resting against my shoulder, feeling how her delicate fingers tensed underneath mine.
"You're supporting me. You don't have to like what I do. That's what I meant." I corrected. She didn't need to say the exact words for me to see how much she loved me, or how much it was costing her to watch me go so soon. "Besides, you do know that I'll be back, right? Likely with a trophy in hand… or at least a pretty Thai girl." I told her.
Eun Ha blinked, then frowned. "Can't she be Korean?"
"I mean. Maybe?" I tilted my head. Then, I frowned slightly. "... What's wrong with Thais though...?"
Was my mother actually racist?
She cracked a small grin, one eye closed. "Nothing. She better not steal you from me."
"You have to share." I countered. I was joking, obviously.
The way her expression suddenly turned a little sour made me pause, my brows furrowing slightly. She pulled away from my touch. "I'll have to, yes." She said after a short pause. There was a strange tilt to her words, resigned perhaps, but her smile didn't fade. In fact, it widened, as she leaned over to kiss my forehead. "Ah… Jae-il. My baby has grown so much, hasn't he…? Soon he's going to be dating girls, bringing a nice, beautiful girlfriend here…"
Eun Ha stared at something in the distance, the far-off look in her eyes making it obvious she was envisioning the situation. I couldn't help but laugh, patting her hand softly, not thinking about it as my hands drifted over to the edge of the sheets to cover her properly. Eun Ha blinked, and then I paused. I could feel her leg—bare, soft, warm—beneath my palm.
I pulled away as calmly as possible and finished wrapping her with the bed sheet.
She blinked and focused back on me, smiling once again, and this time it didn't look as far away or as sad.
"Who knows." I told her. "Maybe even an English wife, if things go that far. Maybe I could start a legacy."
"Maybe you will." Eun Ha mused, giving me another quick peck on the cheek. She seemed to think deeply about it. "As long as you love each other..."
She sighed a little, looking down, and I wondered if maybe the topic had opened some wounds. I reached for her hand to reassure her, but as I did, she smiled back at me and I felt her lean into me. I didn't resist.
"Whoever you end up with, honey, make sure to treat her well. Make her feel special. Women love to feel appreciated. And be honest with her, and if she's important enough to you, never let her forget that. Never let her forget how important she is to you."
"......"
"Understand?" She reached to cradle my face again. Her eyes were heavy-lidded; a lazy, sexy sort of gaze. Of course, I doubted that was the intention, so the fact that my mind immediately supplied such a description probably spoke volumes about my mindset. Mia's fault. Yes. Whatever happened, let's blame it on her.
I cleared my throat. "I do. Of course I understand. You raised a gentleman, didn't you?"
That drew a small laugh from her. "Indeed I did... you've been such a wonderful young man..."
Eun Ha leaned back, a thoughtful expression on her features. Then she turned her head, looked out the window. The sunlight of the early morning seeped in from behind the curtains. I pulled away, slowly standing up. "I have to go."
She nodded. "Come back soon."
"I will..." I promised, hesitated. Then, I said. "I… I hope you feel better."
That made her look up. Her expression softened. She looked grateful. "Having you here makes me feel better."
"......"
I didn't know what else to say. I nodded. "I'll... bring you a gift."
She tilted her head, as if the notion of someone getting her something had never crossed her mind. "Honey, you don't have get me anything, you being here right now is enough. Please. Okay?" She smiled brightly at me.
"Alright..." I didn't argue. Though I had already made up my mind to get this woman something. I wondered how long it had been since Yeong Gu had been thoughtful, or just caring enough to buy his wife some token of his affection. "Then, I'm going."
"Hmhm." Eun Ha merely smiled. A little strained, but with enough hope to show she was eager for my return. "Love you, Jae-il. Remember, you're very talented and amazing. If anything ever comes across as unfair or bad to you, don't let that get to you, and don't let it break your heart. Your mother will always believe in you. Go out there and prove yourself. The world is yours, dear."
"......"
And with that last piece of encouragement settling itself firmly in my heart, I left my home again.
A bird who seeks the sky has to dare the fall, and I've long taken my leap of faith. This time around, though... "Things will be different."