Chapter 26: I have Feelings For You
Ash’s POV
I doubted there was only one person who could make him act like this. To test my suspicion, I decided I would ask that person. But to save him from further embarrassment, I told Alpha Jackson I had forgiven him; though I didn’t truly mean it, just so he would stand up.
That evening, after we drove back home from school, Lucien said he had something to look into and would be back later. I didn’t ask further; deep down, I already knew he was going to see Adrian.
To keep myself busy from overthinking, I buried myself in studies as the hours slipped by. But when night stretched on and Lucien still hadn’t come back, unease began to weigh on me. Then, suddenly, a message flashed on my screen:
You can go to bed. I’ll be late.
A sting shot through my chest, though I forced myself to calm down. I had no right to feel the way I did-no right to admit.
Yet curiosity burned inside me. Unable to resist, I decided to teleport to Adrian’s penthouse, just to see what they were doing...though deep down, I already knew what I’d find. Intimacy.
When I arrived at the penthouse, Bravin wasn’t around, as usual. I guessed he had been told to excuse them. I stopped at the door, listening quietly.
Lucien’s voice broke the silence, low and edged with restraint. "Fine. If you still want to play the obedient son...then keep me out of it. I won’t be someone’s option."
Adrian’s reply came heavy, almost pleading. "Lucien...please. Don’t walk away from me."
Lucien answered again, his tone darkening, every word layered with meaning I couldn’t quite unravel. "And quit pulling others into your games. Some people...they’re too untainted for you to stain. They’re worth more than you’d ever give."
I froze at the sound of Lucien’s footsteps, pressing myself into the shadow until he passed. When the echo faded, curiosity pulled me toward the half-open door.
Adrian’s voice cut through the quiet, heavy and rough. "It’s true...me and the kid, Ash, are impossible. Just toying him around."
The words slammed into me, cold and merciless. My breath caught, chest tightening as though a blade driven straight through. Toying me around? Impossible?
Shame and hurt twisted inside me, drowning out reason. To him, I was nothing more than a distraction, someone to cast aside.
Before the crack in my breathing could betray me, I willed myself away, teleporting back into the silence of Lucien’s apartment.
Back at Lucien’s apartment, I slipped under the covers, forcing my eyes shut, pretending to sleep. My chest still ached, every word of Adrian’s echoing inside me.
The door creaked open sometime later. I caught the faint scent of liquor as Lucien entered, his steps uneven but quiet. The mattress dipped slightly as he leaned closer. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel the weight of his gaze fixed on my face.
Then, for the briefest moment, warmth brushed my lips. My eyes flew open in shock- Lucien’s face was inches from mine.
He blinked, unfocused, and muttered in a low, slurred voice, "Sorry...I’ve woken you up."
Heart racing, I pushed myself upright, staring at him with wide eyes. The words tumbled out, broken and unsteady.
"Wh-why...why did you kiss me?"
Lucien’s gaze wavered, guilt flickering in his eyes. His voice came out rough, almost fragile. "Did it...make you disgusted?"
I shook my head quickly. "It’s not like that...?
He cut me off, his hand closing around mine, warm and unsteady. "I’ve struggled to admit it to myself. In my whole life, I’ve only loved one person. I thought...even if he wasn’t meant to be truly mine, I could still hold onto that feeling, keep it inside."
His eyes softened, searching mine. "But the first time I saw you...my heart beat differently. And when Adrian messed with you, I felt it, anger, hurt, because he can’t have you. Just like me, he and I can’t be together. He’s destined for my sister."
Lucien drew a breath, his grip tightening slightly on my hand. "All I want to say is...I want those gossips about us to become true."
I stared at him, my throat dry, the words slipping out before I could stop them. "Do you mean..."
Lucien’s gaze held steady, almost too steady for how unsteady his voice was. "I have feelings for you."
My chest tightened. "But...you’re bottom."
He let out a faint, tired laugh. "I did it only for Adrian. With anyone else...I dominate."
The weight of his words pressed down on me, too much to digest all at once. My thoughts tangled, leaving only the pounding of my heart.
Lucien studied my face for a moment, noticing my unease. His expression softened. "Don’t worry. Tonight, I’ll sleep on the couch."
Without waiting for my reply, he released my hand and quietly stepped out of the room.
Left alone, I lay back against the pillow, staring at the ceiling. Sleep refused to come. His words replayed over and over; I have feelings for you...I dominate...
Each one echoed heavier than the last, leaving me restless through the silence of the night.
By morning, I had barely slept. The weight of Lucien’s words still pressed against my chest, refusing to fade.
When I stepped into the kitchen, he was already there, setting two cups of coffee on the table. His movements were calm, almost casual, as if nothing had happened the night before.
"Morning," he said simply, sliding a cup toward me.
I hesitated before answering, my eyes avoiding his. "Morning."
He sat across from me, sipping his coffee with his usual composure. No trace of last night’s confession lingered on his face.
That calmness only unsettled me more.
...
At school, the unease didn’t leave. By breaktime, it must have been written over me because, Naomi leaned in, frowning. "Ash, you look troubled. What’s going on?"
Martin tilted his head, studying me. "Yeah, you’ve been quiet all morning. Spill it."
I hesitated, then finally asked, "If you like someone who’s never admitted they like you...and someone else, who you don’t like romantically, admits they like you. Who would you chose?"
Naomi answered without thinking. "I’d choose the one who admitted it. Even if I don’t feel the same now, I believe feelings can grow with time. At least with them, I wouldn’t be left guessing."
Martin shook his head. "Not me. I’d stick with the one I already like, even if they never admit it to me. Because if I choose someone else just out of convenience, I’ll always feel like I’m betraying myself, and them."
Their words clashed inside me, leaving me even more torn than before.
"I mean...I was asking on behalf of a friend," I added quickly, forcing a small shrug.
Naomi raised a brow. "Apart from us, do you even have any other friends?"
Martin smirked, and the two of them exchanged a glance, clearly not buying it.
The chest tightened. Before they could press further, I cleared my throat and shifted the subject. "Anyway; about the Lighthouse project. This week we need to make sure everything is set. If we don’t finalize the education plan, healthcare station, and mentorship slots now, we’ll end up scrambling on the day."
Naomi leaned forward, her eyes bright. "Right. I’ll take charge of the education part. I already have some ideas for simple reading activities that will keep the younger kids engaged."
Martin nodded. "Then I’ll cover healthcare. Maybe start with basics; cleanliness, handwashing, first aid. Keep it simple so they actually remember."
I gave a small nod, relieved they’d picked it up so quickly. Their energy filled the table, covering my unease.
...
That evening, I couldn’t bring myself to stay at Lucien’s place. The air between us had grown too heavy, too uncomfortable.
When he called, the words slipped out before I could stop them.
"Lucien...I just...I feel like I miss my mother tonight. I want to spend the night at home."
His eyes softened, though a shadow of pain lingered there. For a long moment, he was silent. Then his voice came quiet but steady. "It’s fine."
I avoided his gaze as I went to gather my things, He stepped forward without a word, taking the bag from my hands as though it weighed nothing.
"I’ll drop you home," he said simply.
The ride was quiet, the city lights flickering against the windows. Lucien didn’t press me, didn’t ask for more. He only glanced my way once, his expression unreadable, before focusing back on the road.
When we arrived, he carried my bag to the gate, set it down gently, and gave a small nod. "Take your time, Ash. I’ll be waiting."
Then he turned and left, leaving me with the weight of both relief and something far heavier pressing on my chest.