The mood continued to be tense around the table.

Once the camp as it currently existed had been cleared of infected, they had found themselves a corner of the staff tent and sat down around the field table there. Ehtra was not capable of tasting regular food, yet she was quite capable of brewing a delicious tea. Instructions for that had been drilled into her by her seniors.

“When is bringing suffering to others justified?” Lucifrena suddenly asked. The angel stared directly at him when she asked the question, her lime green eyes drilling into him in pursuit of his answer.

An answer that John had to contemplate slowly. “Impossible to say with any certainty. Although I have to object to the framing of the question. I did not bring suffering to these people – I denied them alleviation within my means. One is immoral, the other is amoral.”

“You consider not alleviating suffering amoral?” Lucifrena probed.

“It categorically must be. Inaction is neither good nor evil, though I am also of the opinion that living an amoral life is both undesirable and soul-killing, so do not mistake me saying something is amoral as calling it acceptable. I am merely calling it not heinous.” John shook his head. “To the spirit of your question: I cannot tell you for certain. I am no ideologue that acts on pre-set axioms nor am I without my principles. What I do, I do with a goal in mind and sometimes that requires me to act in unpleasant ways.”

He picked up the cup of tea in front of him as the signal that his explanation was over. If she wanted to reprimand him, she could do so while he tasted the pleasant sweetness of the hot beverage. It was a fruity blend.

“I see,” Lucifrena said.

John put down the cup and turned it so the decorations on it lined up with the marbling of the table. “No condemnation?”

“I can hear that you condemn yourself enough.”

The words made John shift the cup a bit too much. The hot liquid spilled over the rim and scalded his hand. Ehtra was there immediately with a handkerchief cleaning him before he could even try to take it off him. “Careless creature,” she muttered.

Any immediate response he had, John swallowed. He was intensely irked by her comment because of how true it was. Condemnation would have been easier to deal with, because it would have allowed him to rise above the expectations of someone who didn’t understand the bigger picture. “What would you have done?”

“Provide all aid I could from the moment I could.”

“And what if that meant Delicia wouldn’t have been able to test her concoctions?”

“I would not have considered the what-if… Please, I can, uhm… sense your anger?” Lucifrena raised her hand, to stop him from answering immediately. “No ruler am I, no commander of forces, for I am not cut from that cloth… I’m a disciple of the king of kings. I live within my limitations.”

“You imply he lives outside of his?” Ehtra hissed in his stead.

The grey angel glared at the golden one, who squirmed uncomfortably, but did not yield. “I am suggesting this… yes,” Lucifrena said slowly. “Understand that there was only ever one man truly fit to rule and he died for our sins.”

This irked John’s pride again, although there was enough of cultural Christianity stuck in his brain not to actually take offense to being called lesser to Jesus. “So, you’re not calling me wrong, just incompetent?” he wondered.

“We live in a fallen world. I disagree with what you did, but it is the best that you could do and you are the best for your position.”

John was flattered and insulted simultaneously, which really just added to the complicated mixture of emotions he was now feeling towards Lucifrena. It wasn’t quite the first time that he encountered this, though. Whenever Lorelei judged him by the standards of the Order, it was a similar thing. What he was being judged by was what they considered, individually, to be the highest good humanity could strive for, one that no one would ever truly reach.

‘This might be why religion isn’t for me,’ the Gamer thought. ‘A goal I cannot clear doesn’t mesh with my mind.’ “So, you are not angry with me?”

“I was… displeased,” Lucifrena answered with just a hint of hesitancy. “Such is my feeling and I have expressed it. The wrong was righted. I shall hold no grudge.”

Finally, the eyes of the golden angel drifted to the side. When he wasn’t being stared at, he had to admit that the woman was stunningly gorgeous. He felt that way twice as strongly because of her resemblance to the woman in the adjacent chair.

Lyndell did not care much about physical boundaries. She almost sat shoulder to shoulder to the golden angel who she had modelled her appearance on. There were manifold differences between them, all of them existing on top of a shared base. The shape of their faces, the height of their bodies, even the dimensions of their busts, waists and hips were all the same. Obviously, Lucifrena appeared as a black woman with blonde hair, human without anything to give away her true nature, while Lyndell was a grey-scale mushroom woman with curved forehead horns.

Just a stray glance in Lyndell’s direction caused the primordial entity to tilt forwards. She got so close to Lucifrena that their noses almost touched. Reflexively, the golden angel backed off, pulling her head back like a cat that had something on its nose. Lyndell followed, until Lucifrena had to decide between falling over or staying put.

“C-can I help you?” she asked.

“I am beyond help.” Lyndell’s voice carried with it the darkness of her long loneliness. She put a hand on the side of Lucifrena’s face. To study it, she caressed the skin gently. “You fascinate me.”

“T-thanks?” Lucifrena stammered.

John failed to suppress a snort of amusement. With a snap, Lyndell turned her neck too fast and too wide. Everyone else around the table winced once, then a second time when she popped her neck back into its socket. “What was amusing?” she asked.

“Lucifrena just sounded like Gnome there.”

“Where is my mood kindred?” the golden angel asked.

John gestured in the general direction of the Guild Hall. “If you wish to find her, you no doubt will. Just take to the air and scan for moving masses of earth.”

“Now that I have the time, I will,” Lucifrena said. “I would, uhm… like a less pushy conversation?”

Lyndell absolutely missed the social cue she was given. She was still very close to Lucifrena. For the moment, she was staring at John though. “We had an agreement that you would guide me to those of my former kin that I was to slay,” she yanked the conversation back to the initial topic. “Yet you hid from me infections that hurt people that could still be saved.”

“What really annoys you more, mushroom creature, that you did not get to kill them earlier or that you did not get to help them?”

‘You are reading her right,’ Ehtra commented on his thoughts.

‘You are saying she is indeed more attracted to me than before?’ John asked, just for clarity.

‘Yes.’

‘And what makes you so certain of that?’

‘…Never tell anyone I said this. Swear it!’

John’s conspiratorial mind was highly engaged by the sour woman’s flustered demand. ‘Alright, I swear upon my love for your ass.’

‘Pervy Master creature!’ Ehtra hit him with one of her grey wings. The Astrotium feathers were fluffy, failing to do any damage. ‘T-the answer… urgh… t-the… uhm… hmm…’ Starting, stammering, stopping, and then starting again, the First of Hatred managed to worm her way around giving an answer for a whole minute. ‘T-the answer is t-t-that I totally don’t love you or anything! Idiot!’

‘…I love you too, but that doesn’t answer anything?’

‘Urgh! Man thing! Listen – I spend a lot of time… c-contemplating what makes you… tolerable to call my Master.’

‘She spends a lot of time thinking about why she loves me,’ John translated in his head.

‘And because of that, I can recognize when other idiots fall for the parts of you that aren’t horrid character flaws.’

‘And because of that, she recognizes what good qualities I have and what women are attracted to.’

‘Lyndell loves, just as I do – I mean as some do! – That you, uhm, c-can put so much trust in one of your w-women that you would… risk the soundness of your own mind. It’s rare to find someone so stupid that they would actually love someone that much and that… that’s something to cherish. To be leaned on so much, it gives purpose when one is used to being all alone.’

John did not have to translate that. He had enough experience with women and people at large to understand this. He hadn’t quite considered that last part in the case of Lyndell specifically. Was it truly that important for her to have someone that would rely on her?

The question answered itself when he asked himself the simple question of what was next for Lyndell. After this war was over, the primordial entity had nowhere to go, no one to visit, not even memories to dwell on.

‘Two goddess of genocide, a species apart, and yet so similar in some aspects,’ John realized. Eliana had been like this as well in her early days, when Thana had not been fully formed yet. A confused bundle with no memories, only confusion and a trauma too deep to forget. She had been infinitely eager to latch onto whatever social circle she stumbled into first. Lyndell was evidently the same, holding onto her infatuation for any sense of purpose greater than the swamp of revenge that had swallowed her existence once before.

Realizing all of this put John in a conundrum he had found himself in a few times before.

Lyndell needed him a lot more than he needed her, especially once this war was over. This was a natural imbalance between them that made everything that followed a bit difficult. However, he was not a believer that romance had to start on equal footing, nor did he think that depending on someone else for emotional stability was bad. All he owed to his own moral code was that he acted sincerely.

‘I’ll have time to work this out,’ he thought, then turned his mind elsewhere. ‘Fianna, can you do me a favour and keep watch over Lyndell?’

‘Affirmative, Sir,’ she answered.

“What is our next destination?” Ehtra wanted to know. She had finally recovered from their hidden conversation enough that there was only a faint blush remaining on her face.

“We’re getting back to the Palace,” he answered. “I’m of no use out here and you probably don’t want to leave Leryala alone for long.”

“No,” Ehtra confirmed. “I do not.”