Chapter 181: A BEACH EPISODE (II)
HANEUL looked past Taeyang’s shoulder and saw Park Mirae wading toward them. He felt himself frowning automatically. The sudden irritation he felt just from seeing Park Mirae bothered him more than the other’s actual presence. This unreasonable annoyance was exactly why he needed to leave. Like right now.
So, he said to Taeyang, "I’m sorry for bumping into you."
He didn’t wait for any response and simply turned away, diving back beneath the water. He swam steadily until he needed air, then surfaced near a group of rock formations. One particularly large rock looked big enough to hide three people behind it. Glancing around, he realized he had swum much further than he intended. Hardly any other contestants had come out this far, which made it perfect for his current mood.
He swam to the rocks and pulled himself onto a relatively flat surface. The largest formation completely concealed him from view. He drew a deep breath and rested his forehead against his knees, finally alone with his thoughts.
Haneul truly couldn’t understand why everything involving Taeyang affected him so much. It was like the other had become some kind of trigger that he couldn’t help but react to whenever they were near each other. Except that wasn’t entirely true, deep down he knew exactly why. He just refused to examine those feelings properly. Because once he started down that path, he knew he wouldn’t be able to simply stop and pretend nothing had changed afterward. And that was the last thing he needed right now.
He let out a tired sigh. Here he was again, wasting time thinking about that guy. He came on this program to debut and achieve his dream, not to fall— no, nope, he wouldn’t even finish that thought. He refused to give those feelings a name, not even in the privacy of his own mind.
"Are you alright?"
The sudden voice startled Haneul so much that he almost slipped off the rock into the water, but a firm hand gripped his arm and steadied him. When he looked up, he found himself meeting the same gray eyes he had just swum away from a few minutes ago.
The hand on his arm felt surprisingly warm against his cool skin. Neither of them moved or spoke. The only sound was the gentle lapping of waves against the rocks. Haneul became aware of his own heartbeat thumping steadily in his chest. Taeyang’s gaze held his without blinking, his gray eyes intense and focused. The longer the silence stretched, the more the air between them seemed to hum with unspoken tension.
"Sorry for startling you," Taeyang said, his voice coming out lower and rougher than usual.
Hearing the other speak snapped Haneul out of his daze. He pulled his arm free from Taeyang’s grip. If there had been enough space to move back without falling into the water, he would have put distance between them immediately.
"Why are you here?" he asked, the words coming out sharper than he meant them to.
Taeyang stared at his own hand, the same one that had just gripped Haneul’s arm. He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he lowered himself onto the rock beside Haneul.
"I saw you swimming this way and thought it looked like a good hiding spot," Taeyang said, keeping his eyes fixed on the horizon.
Somehow, that answer rankled on Haneul’s nerves. So he said in a not so in your face sarcastic tone, "A good spot to hide from Park Mirae, you mean?"
Taeyang glanced at him and didn’t deny it. "Yes."
That simple answer annoyed Haneul even more. Why did Taeyang have to follow him here just to avoid Park Mirae? Haneul had swum out here to be alone, to escape the cameras and the other contestants. To get away from Taeyang himself. Yet here the other was, invading his space without considering how Haneul might feel about it.
It would be different if this were Robin, but it wasn’t. This was the same person who couldn’t seem to decide how to treat him. Sometimes ignoring him, sometimes acting kind, sometimes being cold. That inconsistency was the most frustrating part of all.
There was only so much confusion a person could handle, and Haneul was reaching his limit with Taeyang’s mixed signals. Maybe he should finally say everything he was thinking. They were completely alone here, away from cameras and other contestants. He might not get another chance like this again.
"You could have gone in literally any other direction," Haneul said, the words coming out in an impatient rush. "You could have just gone back to shore where everyone else is. I’m sure Park Mirae wouldn’t dare bother you if you were surrounded by other people. So why did you specifically follow me out here when we both know you’ve been working just as hard to avoid me? If you truly want nothing to do with me, then actually commit to it. Don’t be thoughtful one moment then cold the next. This back-and-forth is exhausting, and it’s making me overthink everything when the last thing I need right now is more distractions from this competition."
He spoke in a low, intense rush of words. He stared at the water instead of looking at Taeyang, finally saying everything he had kept inside. The sentences came out sharp and quick, full of pent-up frustration and confusion. His voice wasn’t loud, but each of his words was clear and deliberate despite his emotional state.
He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and slowly let it out. When he opened his eyes again, he continued speaking.
"So if you dislike me that much, please do us both a favor and don’t approach me again unless you absolutely have to."
Haneul stood up and was about to dive back into the water when he heard Taeyang speak.
"I don’t dislike you. No, it’s far from it."
Haneul turned back to look at Taeyang. He could see multiple emotions warring on the other’s face. There was clear guilt in his expression, obvious frustration in his tense posture, and a deep sense of apology in his overall demeanor. But more than that, the intensity in his gray eyes spoke of some unknown emotion Haneul couldn’t name.
"And that’s really the crux of the problem."