Chapter 183: CONFESSION AND APOLOGY
HANEUL’S temper flared sharply. The control he usually took pride in had been crumbling since this conversation began. Now every word out of Taeyang’s mouth only annoyed him further. What did he mean by saying his assumption was wrong? If it wasn’t about him hating the fact that he liked Haneul, then what other explanation could there possibly be?
"Then what is it? Explain it to me!" he said, fighting to keep his voice down. "If you keep giving me these vague answers, I’m leaving. And if you try to stop me one more time, I swear I’ll punch you."
Taeyang knew this wasn’t the moment to smile, but he nearly did because Haneul looked oddly adorable when angry. A little temper actually suited him. And yes, he had officially lost his mind. Because why was he thinking about this when Haneul was clearly angry? At him, no less?
Strangely, the tension that had been coiling inside his body began to ease. For some reason, he felt like he might finally be able to say what he needed to say, what he wanted to say, in this moment.
"Do you remember when I told you I can’t smell pheromones? I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but it’s called Pheromone Blindness," he began. He noticed Haneul’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, clearly wondering why this mattered right now. But he continued on. "I can’t detect anyone else’s pheromones, but for some reason, I can smell yours."
When Taeyang spoke those last words, he held Haneul’s gaze directly. Haneul felt a sudden stillness settle over him. His earlier anger paused, replaced by blank confusion. The words echoed in his head, but they didn’t make sense at first. A cold ripple of awareness traveled down his spine as the scientific implications of what he said began to dawn on him. And then, when his brain finally managed to completely comprehend it, his anger surged back, stronger than before.
"Are you seriously telling me you like me because of what? My pheromones?" he said, his voice finally rising.
He suddenly remembered his conversation with Robin about pheromone match rates. The higher the percentage, the more enticing one person’s pheromones would be to the other. If Taeyang, who suffered from Pheromone Blindness, could still detect his scent, then their match rate must be extremely high. The memory of that warm, rich aroma, deep and earthy like wood with a hint of honey and subtle spice, drifted through his thoughts.
Haneul shook his head, refusing to let the memory of that scent soften his anger. If Taeyang had told him this before today, he might have reacted differently. Perhaps with curiosity, even a desire to explore what it meant. But after everything that had just been said, this confession only felt like Taeyang was telling him that pheromones were the sole reason for his interest. And clearly, Taeyang resented that fact.
Who wouldn’t feel that way? Who would want their emotions controlled by some biological scent? Just because one person’s pheromones appeal to another shouldn’t mean they’re destined to be together. People should always have a choice in who they wanted to be with.
Haneul understood that logic completely. He really did. So why was he still so angry right now?
Because his thoughts were so scattered, he didn’t notice Taeyang stepping closer. He only became aware when he caught a faint trace of that same scent he had just been thinking about. He lifted his head and froze when he saw how little space now separated them.
Taeyang was looking down at him, his gray eyes appearing a shade darker than usual. Haneul could see his own reflection in them. The closeness was overwhelming. A thought crossed Haneul’s mind. Could Taeyang smell his pheromones right now, just as clearly as he could smell Taeyang’s?
"Please let me finish before you make your final judgment," Taeyang said, his voice rough like he’d been struggling to get the words out.
Haneul dropped his gaze, trying to steady himself. He wanted to take a deep breath, but he knew that would only fill his lungs with Taeyang’s scent and would make it harder for her to think clearly. This realization sparked a fresh wave of irritation. Why was this guy moving even closer to him in the first place?
He lifted his eyes and narrowed them at the other. "Fine. Say whatever you need to say. But step back and get out of my personal space."
Taeyang stepped back as instructed. Honestly, he hadn’t planned to move that close to Haneul. But while the other remained silent, a breeze carried a trace of that sweet caramel scent toward him. Perhaps because Haneul had been swimming, and the seawater had washed away some of his usual scent-blocking products, his natural fragrance was more noticeable. Without conscious thought, Taeyang’s body had simply drifted closer towards the other.
He closed his eyes briefly, collecting all the thoughts he needed to express. When he opened them again, his gaze was steady and resolved.
"It’s not just your pheromones," Taeyang said, his voice softening as he looked at Haneul. "Though they did make me want to keep my distance." He offered a small, helpless smile. "Not that I was very successful, as you’ve noticed. If it were only about scent, staying away would be simple. But it’s everything else. Your personality, your voice, and yes, even how beautiful you are."
He swallowed nervously before he continued. "I have this habit of focusing intensely on things that capture my interest. And with biology already pulling me toward you, I worried I’d become completely obsessed with you. So I tried to create space between us." His gaze held Haneul’s sincerely with a helpless smile. "But it didn’t really help, right?"
Taeyang ran a hand through his damp hair, his eyes dropping to the water between them for a moment before lifting again.
"I thought if I created distance, I could control these feelings. Or at least contain them before they became too much to handle. Instead, I just made everything more complicated for both of us."
He let out a short breath, the sound barely audible over the waves. "I’m sorry for the confusion, for the hot and cold behavior. I was just... afraid, I guess."